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The truth
of the matter is that everybody (writers included) wants to
be loved and accepted. It's a basic human need. That's why
it's so difficult for anyone (writer, actor, plumber, or doctor)
to be rejected.
Most people
think of rejection in romantic terms. It's the getting up
the courage to ask someone out to dinner only to find out
they think of you as a "friend" kind of rejection
that first comes to mind. But every time a person exposes
part of his or her true self, they risk rejection. For the
writer, that's every time he allows someone else to read his
words. Of course, it's by opening yourself up to possible
ridicule, admiration, criticism, or (worst of all) perplexed
looks of concern that you become a Writer. But that's another
story.
So here's
the problem: If the whole point of writing is so that other
people can read what you have to say, but to purposefully
risk rejection goes against our very nature, how does anyone
do it?
You do
it by rethinking the idea of rejection.
I'm not
sure when I finally made the switch. I personally struggled
with the fear of rejection for years. I loved the process
of writing but I hated the process of submitting. For weeks,
after sending off one of my stories, I dreaded looking in
the mailbox. My mailman seemed to take delight in putting
those large self-addressed stamped envelopes on top of the
sale flyers, bills, and requests for donations. It was as
if he were saying: "Don't you ever get tired of mailing
stuff to yourself?" After a while, I stopped trying.
But one
of the ways you can tell if writing (or any activity) is something
you are meant to do is that you can't stop trying. It's not
in you to give it up. So what you have to do is find a way
of dealing with the rejection.
For me
it came with the realization that writing isn't just the act
of putting thoughts onto paper, it is also sharing those thoughts
with other people. That's when I came to see each rejection
letter as a form of validation. Instead of feeling bad every
time a story came back. I tried to feel good that I found
the courage to send it out in the first place. It wasn't easy.
The natural thing to do is take rejection as a denial of who
you are. But to become a Writer you not only have to write,
you have to be read.
The attempt
to share your thoughts, observations, or crazy ideas is just
as important as writing them down. Would I have preferred
it if every one of those stories had been accepted, absolutely!
But by trying to get them published, I was actually moving
towards my goal of becoming a real Writer. And that's the
point to remember: Acceptance or not, I was actually moving
forward. By opening myself up to failure, I was opening myself
up to success. After I made that realization, I no longer
feared my mailbox.
It's still
not easy. My heart still sinks when my perfect story isn't
accepted with open arms. But I don't stop trying to find a
home for it.
Only by
submitting your work and risking rejection can a Writer find
acceptance (both literally through the Editor and figuratively
through the reader). Sounds almost Zen-like, doesn't it? But,
like it or not, it is a basic truth.
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